Fallen
by Captain Zangano
Summary: Mikami reflects on the events that took place at the Yellow Box warehouse. Is he now nothing more than a madman? What will become of the world if God is dead?


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Death Note, and Friedrich Nietzsche's works are in the public domain.

**A/N:** I was silly enough to read Nietzsche at the same time as Death Note manga, hence this fic. lol

Rated Teen for disturbing themes.

*Major Spoilers for the ending of both the anime and manga.*

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"_The most common lie is that which one lies to himself; lying to others is relatively an exception."_ - Friedrich Nietzsche

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Teru Mikami gazes down at his hands. He had bloodied them when no-one was looking, brushing his fingertips over the dirty, cold concrete floor of the warehouse, and through a pool of still-warm blood. The life blood of a deity. Mikami holds his handcuffed hands close to his chest, keeping the last bit of _Kira-sama, Kami, God_, close and warm for just a few moments longer. He looks again at the red luke-warm liquid as it drips from his fingers and soaks into his coat. It is the last connection he will ever have to his god.

Mikami had believed, had known that Kira was justice. He punished the tyrants, the oppressors, the evil-doers of the world, and had protected the weak and innocent. He was righteous, and had reduced the crime rate. Mikami was a prosecutor; he would know. He had seen the criminals get away before. If Mikami but slipped up in his job, they would walk free, smirking at him, laughing in his face. Sometimes even if he did everything right, they still walked free. Then Kira had come along, and all the criminals had groveled and cowered in fear. Mikami had worshipped his god from afar, marveling at his perfection.

And then Mikami's dream had been shattered. His illusion of perfection soiled by reality. God was not infallible: he wept, raged, made errors, and fell bleeding to the floor. Mikami had been repulsed, hadn't understood at the time. He'd thought God was a fraud, for how could God be a young man desperately screaming for help, laughing maniacally. God had died in an abandoned dirty warehouse, and no-one else had seen. No-one had celebrated and no-one had mourned. Mikami had recoiled and doubted like Thomas and denied his lord like Simon. He'd also unknowingly played the role of betrayer, not with a kiss but a pen. Did God die with a hole in his wrist and side, gouged by the bullet of a non-believer? Piercing the wrist and side – the marks of suffering of a deity forced to die for a sinful world. Would his sacrifice be in vain?

And yet Mikami had fallen as well. He had failed his god. He hadn't thought to check whether or not the notebook was a fake before coming, and he had stood by, helplessly handcuffed as Kira had been defeated. Mikami had slipped up one last time, and his god had paid the price. He imagines the criminals as they run free, laughing at the absurdity of justice.

The bullies from his childhood are back; even now he can hear their mocking voices in his mind. _What happened to justice? Did you really think you were so special, failure?_

Mikami pulls at the handcuffs and screams in rage. _Kira-sama, help me!_ But there is no god, not anymore. Mikami thinks back to an essay he had read in philosophy once and almost laughs and weeps at how applicable it is to the situation. "God is dead." They killed him, and now his blood stains their hands and clothes. Would any of them ever realize the enormity of what they had done?

He feels eyes staring at him from the front of the car.

"God is dead," he shouts again, so loud that the pale-haired boy jumps.

"Light Yagami wasn't a god; he was simply a murderer," Nate River says. "Nothing more."

Mikami breathes in and out, doesn't look up, but he can imagine those emotionless eyes staring at him, analyzing him. If Light Yagami was only a murderer, what does that make Mikami? Does it even matter any more what Nate River thinks of Kira, of Mikami? Does it matter what a murderer thinks of a true believer? (No, perhaps he's not a true believer anymore, but a fallen repentant sinner, a failure in need of redemption.) Finally he lets out a low chuckle. "And what does that make you, if you killed him?"

Nate blinks and sighs at him. "That's why I wanted to capture Yagami alive." He twirls a strand of his hair. "Now I might have made him into a martyr."

Mikami lowers his head again, to avoid looking at the young heretic. What would he know of martyrs and suffering and justice?

What will become of the world now? Will Kira rise again?

Mikami brings a shaky bloodied finger to his tongue and licks. The metallic taste fills his mouth. A first and last communion. God is now a part of him. If he escapes perhaps he can start over, channeling the last bits of God as he judges the unjust. If only he had more pieces. "What will happen to the body?" he shouts in desperation. But perhaps this is blasphemy. Can he really hope to recreate god on his own after failing him so dismally?

God had shared his power with them once before, breaking the Death Note into so many pieces for his true believers. They had not been grateful enough, Mikami realizes now with a shudder. Even if he had the pieces, he lacks the divine wisdom to assemble them.

"Answer me a question," Nate River says, waving a horrible disfigured toy in front of Mikami's face. "Do you think madmen know they are mad?" He cocks his head to the side, and there is only genuine curiosity there; his expression is free of malice.

Mikami stares back at the boy.

Nate squeezes the toy, and the face moves grotesquely. It is a cruel caricature of Mikami's own face. "Tell me," Nate asks, squeezing the toy again. "Do you know?"

Nate is the mad one, only he won. That makes all the difference. The pale-haired boy with his toys is in charge of reality. He can twist and turn and remold it as he sees fit.

A few short days ago, Mikami was a high priest of the new world – God's right hand man. Justice. He judged the filth and saved the weak. Now he is nothing more than a madman being taken away to spend the rest of his life alone with his shattered dreams. "You'd know the answer to that question better than me," he answers. Nate stares back at him, eyes wide. And Mikami shrieks with laughter for the remainder of the journey.

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**A/N:** In case you're wondering "What the heck did I just read?" I decided to add some explanatory notes. I hope they clear up some of the confusing stuff.

1. One of the inspirations for this fic was Friedrich Nietzsche's parable of _The Madman, _in which a "madman" tells a group of people that "God is dead" and "we have killed him", expressing Nietzsche's fear of an increase in atheism. Although Nietzsche was an atheist himself, he didn't have a very high opinion of other people's ability to behave morally in the absence of divine punishment. (There are probably a lot of other interpretations too, I'm no philosopher :P).

2. The rest of the symbolism is a bunch of Christian religious symbolism (of which there is a lot in Death Note, if you look).

-Simon - disciple who denied Jesus out of fear.

-betrayer, not with a kiss, but a pen - reference to Jesus' betrayal by Judas Iscariot.

-Piercing the wrist and side - Maybe it's just coincidence that Light was shot in the wrist and his side. Maybe not, since it mirrors two of the wounds suffered by Jesus.

Also - this fic makes the most amount of sense if you keep in mind that Mikami is insane.


End file.
